This year, 2025, will forever be stained with the grief of losing my dad. It’s hard for me to conclude this year without talking about what I felt.
I want to talk about my experience, and I also want to take a moment to appreciate the good things that have happened over the last year.
I’m writing this post for myself so I can see this year for what it actually was. To understand that it wasn’t all bad.
I encourage you to do the same for yourself. Do not compare our experiences.
January
My mom celebrated her 50th birthday this year. We had a party at a brewery in Edmundston to celebrate. It was awesome seeing everyone that showed up for my mom, and I can say with confidence that she had a great 50th birthday.
February-March
Something that my grandparents had on their bucket list was to go on a trip with the whole family. In February of this year, we were able to cross this off their list with a trip to Mexìco. We stayed in a nice resort in Cancún and had plenty of time to relax and enjoy the warm weather. I had a great time with my family and went on some pretty cool excursions to Isla Mujeres and to the archeological site of Chichén Itzá.
May
On May 11, I ran my third ever 10K race. I didn’t set a new PR since I hadn’t been training that well for the race. It was still nice to get out there and run the race during the Fredericton Marathon.
I also graduated with my Bachelor’s degree in Computer Science in May. Finally getting my degree after having finished my studies in December 2024. I had a great time with my friends who were also graduating and an awesome dinner with my family who came down to Fredericton for the event.
June
After getting they keys to my new apartment in May, and after a deep clean of the place that was more than needed, I was able to move into the place in June. My mom and dad came down to Fredericton to help me move and me and my dad pulled off the whole move in a record time. It only took us about 4 hours to move everything out of the old and place and into the new one. We dropped off the U-Haul by noon and were able to go grabe a bite at the Boyce Farmers Market for lunch.
July
July started off strong with a camping trip to Mactaquac with some friends, somewhat of a yearly tradition at this point. Always nice to setup the tent, go to the beach, and hang out around a bonfire with one or two or eight small beers, and some good company.
Later on in the month, myself and some friends took the Downeaster train from Portland, ME to Boston for a Tyler, the Creator show on July 9th. It was my first time in Boston and I really enjoyed it. Arriving to the TD Garden train station is awesome because you’re dropped off directly downtown and you’re already starting to explore the city. While we were there we also caught an epic Red Sox game where they were able to clinch the game with a home run in the ninth inning. We also visited MIT, the Boston Museum of Science and the Quincy Market while we were there.
In the weeks after the Boston trip, I got a call from my mom telling me that dad had suffered from a minor heart attack. He hadn’t fainted or anything but he was hospitalized and would have to get heart surgery in Quebec City. I was confident that everything was going to be fine, it was my dad we were talking about anyways, one of the thoughest guys I know. After his surgery I was able to go see him in Edmundston on the 19th. I was surprised by his mood. I thought he would be a lot weaker but it almost felt as if nothing had happened. I enjoyed that weekend with him, which is a consolation since it would be the last time I saw him.
In the evening of the 22nd, he suffered from a stroke and the medics were never able to get his heart beating again. I picked up the phone from my mom around midnight and she had to tell me the news. I drove 2 and half hours in the heart of the night to be with my family. The follwing days were brutal, but my family and friends made it so much more bearable. There was a lot of crying around the kitchen table, some laughter, a lot of reminiscing. After the first couple of days, it was a nonstop to-do list of things we needed to get settled for the funeral and other administrative things. It’s an insane moment when you have to deal with this loss and at the same time fill out all this paperwork to make sure nothing goes to shit. I saw my mom do all that work, I tried to help out where I could, but it’s such a daunting task, and it’s so easy to get lost in what’s happening and make irrational decisions.
One thing that made me really happy during this hard time was having the opportunity to drive my dad’s car with my uncle. My dad’s dream car was a ‘69 Dodge Charger, he loved those things. If he would’ve had more time, I’m certain he would’ve taken on the project of tracking one down and restoring it. In 2023 though, he got the chance to buy another car that he really liked. A Scat Pack Dodge Challenger. This car was his baby. He loved it and I think it was the first time I saw him buy something for himself that he really wanted. I’m sad that I never got to drive the car with him, but I’m extremely grateful to have had the chance to drive it with my uncle, who had to be there since I’d never driven a manual car before. After stalling a couple of times, I was able to get the car rolling and it was a blast. I understand why he loved it so much.
August
The 15 Aout is the Fête nationale de l’Acadie and this year, I got to experience the festivities in Moncton for the first time. I didn’t get to see the Tintamarre but me and my friends saw some artists like 1755 at the UNIplex and had a great night.
I also hosted a housewarming party for my new apartment with some friends. It was nice to get everybody in town and we had a great night both at the apartment and out at the bars.
A first for me this year was seeing some hot air balloons near Florenceville-Bristol. I was driving down the highway on my way back to Fredericton and just saw them up in the sky. I had to take the first exit I saw. It’s there that I found the launching spot for these hot air balloons. There were a bunch of people stopped by the road just looking at all of them. It was a really cool experience. Maybe sometime in the future I can hitch a ride in one of those…
September
It’s in September that I got really into bouldering and bought my first pair of climbing shoes. Bouldering’s been a big part of my exercising routine ever since I started going regularly. The vibes in the gym are great and the people are really nice.
I also volunteered as a bar runner for the Harvest Music Festival in September. I picked up two shifts during the festival. One on a Thursday night for the main stage and the other on the Friday night at the Barracks. The Thursday night was so hectic I could barely make out the music that was playing, but I had a lot of fun with the other volunteers during that night. On the Friday night, my job was a lot more relaxed, but even though time might’ve passed by a little more slowly, I got to see my friend [djavu] perform at her first festival, which is just awesome.
October
My birthday month, October, is always one of my favourite months of the year. The trees change into their fall colours and the scenery is beautiful. I got the chance to go see the local ski hill during the fall this year again. Crabbe mountain has a fall event every year and it’s always nice to go and check out the hill, have a beer, and appreciate the scenery.
I celebrated my birthday weekend in Edmundston with my family and our billet hockey player’s family. It was en eventful weekend with a couple nights of drinking and it’s also when I got my first tattoo. My mom, my sister and I had decided to get a tattoo for my dad after he passed, so we all got our tattoos during the same weekend. I got a tattoo of a wrench with my dad’s initial and birth year in it. The wrench is also a 10mm wrench, which signifies the birth day of my dad, which is the 10th of November.
The month came to an end with a great halloween party at The CAP. I had some friends over early in the night and we went to The CAP to see my friend and a bunch of DJs perform. I loved where the performers were setup for the evening. They were boiler room style sets, where the DJs were on a balcony overlooking the tannery, and most people were dancing behind the performers.
November
The 10th of November is my dad’s birthday and I spent it with my family in Edmundston. We went to the columbarium where his urn is kept and took a shot of whiskey for him. We had a nice night at home with some friends and celebrated his birthday.
The climbing gym that I go to in Fredericton hosted a bouldering competition in November which I was able to go spectate. It was my first time spectating a comp and I didn’t really know how the scoring worked but it was still really impressive to watch the athletes attempt the comp routes. There was also an evening in November where we gathered a big group of friends to go climbing. It was awesome to see everybody who showed up, many people climbing for their first or who hadn’t done it in a while. Unfortunately I sprained my ankle real bad after falling off of a climb that night. I’m still dealing with a weak ankle right now as the year is coming to an end but I should be able to return to climbing in January!
One of the highlights of my year happened in November, when I saw Dijon live in Montreal. I’ve become such a big fan of Dijon and his art over the last couple of years, so it was awesome to see him live and hear all of the songs that I’d spent so much time listening to.
December
One of my good friends has his birthday in December, so me and a couple of other friends decided we would drive down to visit him. While we were there we tried sim racing at a local sports bar. This was such an awesome experience. Sim racing is something I’ve been thinking about really getting into so trying it with good equipment showed me what it could really feel like. The place was setup with four cockpits next to each other and we could all race on the same track together. It’s an experience I for sure want to do again.
On the work side, I had an awesome holiday party with my coworkers. We’re all working remotely and most of us from different cities so it’s pretty rare that we get the opportunity to get together and just enjoy our company. I think personally this party was needed and it has boosted my morale, at least for the next little bit.
My last weekend in Fredericton was a great one. The CAP were hosting cover shows throughout the week and I was able to go catch a Faye Webster cover show on Friday. My friend [djavu] also performed a set at the climbing gym during a community competition. I was sad that I couldn’t participate in the competition because of my ankle, but the entertainment from the DJ set helped to not make me miss it too much. There were also some shows at The CAP on Sunday so I was able to go see some local bands play there. There are four bands I can remember seeing and they were Warped Dogwood, Chill Teens, Radiator, and Nate & the Busy Boys.
Going home for the holidays, it was intimidating. I didn’t quite know how it was going to be without my dad there. I can say that I felt his absence, especially on the 25th when we had a dinner with his family. The love I felt during the holidays from my friends and family definitely helped me, my mom and my sister get through our first Christmas without him.
I also celebrated new years in Quebec City with family. I had a blast there. I was sleeping in the condo that my grand parents had rented out, but everyone else (my mom, my two aunts and uncles) were staying in the same condo building as us. We watched a lot of hockey. Specifically the Montreal Canadiens and the IIHF World Juniors Canada team. The vibe in the Old Quebec over the holidays is pretty cool, so it was nice to walk around and take a look at the decorations and everything on the 31st. We also stopped in this huge Irish pub, where I got to drink a couple of delicious Guinness.
To conclude
A lot of good happened this year. But it definitely wasn’t a good year. Not only for me, but for other friends who have also lost their father this year. There are also many other stories about people in our communities that have suffered from cancer and heart disease this year.
With that, fuck heart disease, fuck cancer.
Thank you to my family and friends.
Love, Bill.